Switched!
by Everybody's Neesan
Summary: A strange night leaves two of the Strawhats in an awkward situation...
1. The Switch

If I owned One Piece, would I be writing fanfic? I think not...

* * *

Chapter 1 – The Switch

Sanji stood at the railing, watching the waves roll past as he smoked his last cigarette of the evening. _What a peaceful night_, the cook thought, content with the world. He flicked the remnant of his cigarette overboard and, hands in pockets, sauntered off towards his quarters for a well-earned rest.

Unfortunately for him, the wind changed at exactly the wrong moment, and sent his still smouldering butt flying back over the ship to land on the bare arm of a sleeping Roronoa Zolo, the ship's swordsman. Zolo woke with a yell and jumped to his feet, a sword half-drawn. Looking down at his arm, he saw the burn, then saw the cigarette butt by his feet. His expression darkened, and he immediately spun to look for the only smoker on board.

"Sanji, you bastard!" he swore, stopping the cook in his tracks. "What the hell was that for?"

"You're still dreaming, cabbage head," Sanji said smoothly, turning away. "I haven't done anything."

Ignoring his words and focusing on the contempt in his voice, Zolo lost his temper and charged at the cook, drawing two swords as he went. Sanji snorted, and ducking, swept Zolo's legs out from under him, sending him crashing to the deck.

"Shitty swordsman. I was happy until you woke up. How about I put you back to sleep?" Sanji remarked, and moved in to knock Zolo out. Zolo blocked his strike and swung at Sanji's supporting leg, causing the off-balance blond to stumble back to avoid the blow.

"You're the one who should be asleep. Then your foul cigarettes wouldn't leave burn marks on me!" Zolo hissed, and struck again.

The brawl continued for a while with neither side gaining the advantage, until the clouds that had covered the sky all day split to reveal a reddened moon. Its light sprang forth and illuminated the two combatants below, who froze.

"What the…" Zolo began, but got no further. Incredible heaviness struck his eyes, and he suddenly felt tired beyond belief. "We'll finish this later," he mumbled, and staggered to his usual napping spot. The world began to go black as a thud told him he had hit the deck, and Zolo knew no more.

"Hey, Sanji! Wake up! I want some meat!" Zolo heard Luffy say.

_Typical. Worry about the damn love cook before me_, he thought drowsily. _I guess the same thing happened to him, then. Wait a minute. What did happen?_

He opened one eye, and was surprised to find Luffy's face in his. "Yay, he's awake!" Luffy cheered. "Meat!"

_What the hell are you talking about, Luffy? Go find Eyebrow and bug _him_ for meat,_ Zolo thought irritably, and closed his eye again.

"Sanji!" Luffy whined. "Come on!"

Suddenly, Zolo found himself picked up and carried at top speed into the kitchen, where he was dumped in front of the stove. "Luffy, what the…" he growled, then stopped in shock. What had happened to his voice?

He looked down at himself, and screamed.

* * *

Sanji opened his eyes groggily, and moaned. Why did he feel so lousy? He hadn't been drinking last night, yet he felt like he had the biggest hangover of his life. The bright sunlight hitting his face was too much, and he lunged for the rail and emptied his stomach over it. He lay there, panting and hanging over the rail, until he heard footsteps.

"Had a little too much last night, eh?" Usopp said with a chuckle. "I never thought I'd see you lose control like that. Since when does booze affect _you_?"

Sanji felt like telling him to shut up, but he also felt that opening his mouth at the moment would be a bad idea.

"We all thought you had alcohol for blood," Usopp continued, "even though Nami thinks it's impossible. But she also says that drinking as much alcohol as you do should have killed you already, so there you go."

Sanji glared at him, wondering absently why he could see with both eyes. Instantly, Usopp backed away, holding his hands in front of him. "S-sorry, Zolo. You know I didn't mean any of it, right?"

Sanji opened his mouth to ask what Usopp meant by calling him Zolo, when he heard his own scream coming from the kitchen.

* * *

"Calm down, Sanji, calm down!" Luffy said frantically, trying to escape.

"Stop calling me by that damn cook's name!" yelled the cook, shaking him harder. "What the hell happened to me?"

"What's going on in here?" screamed Nami, entering the kitchen. "How am I supposed to get any sleep?"

To her surprise, instead of immediately apologising to her and his visible eye becoming a heart, Sanji turned to her and shouted angrily, "Tell this moron that I'm not the cook!"

Nami was saved from answering this when Zolo burst into the kitchen. "Get out of my kitchen, you bastard!" he shouted, then noticed Nami. "And stop upsetting my precious Nami with your noise!"

He strode over and kicked Sanji, who dropped Luffy and picked up a kitchen knife. The two of them began to fight, Zolo kicking and Sanji with a knife, watched by a bewildered Nami, Luffy and Usopp, who had followed Zolo into the kitchen.

"What is going on here?" Nami asked faintly, watching the scene before her with wide eyes.

* * *

A short time later, Zolo and Sanji lay sprawled on the kitchen floor, where Luffy's fists had knocked them down.

"Now we can start figuring out what's going on," Nami said in satisfaction as Zolo began to stir.

He sat up and groaned, his head between his hands. "I feel like Zeff just kicked me through a wall," he groaned, then stiffened in shock. He looked up at his crewmates. "Why do I sound like that shitty swordsman?"

"Because you stole my body, bastard," muttered Sanji, using his elbow to help him sit up. "Ugh. How can you stand having this hair in the way all the time?"

"Are you two trying to tell us that you've_ switched bodies_?" Nami asked incredulously, staring at first one, then the other.

Luffy burst out laughing. "Cool!" he exclaimed. "Zolo is Sanji, and Sanji is Zolo!"

"It's not cool at all, you idiot!" shouted Sanji, and punched Luffy out of the room. This, more than anything else, convinced Nami and Usopp that they weren't lying. Sanji would _never_ fight with his hands and risk damaging them. A cook was nothing without his hands.

"How did this happen?" Usopp asked. Nami said nothing, a mischievous glint coming into her eye. This could be interesting…

* * *

"So, you think that the red moonlight switched you?" Nami asked, looking thoughtful.

Zolo remained silent, watching her cautiously through Sanji's eye. He knew that look, and knew that it meant trouble.

"That's right, my sweet," Sanji gushed. "I can't believe how incredibly smart you are!"

"You know," Luffy said suddenly, "that sounds kind of familiar."

Everyone turned to stare at the captain. "What do you mean, 'familiar'?" Nami asked.

"Well, when I was little, Captain Shanks used to tell me stories, and one day, he told me about two guys who were always fighting. When they got touched by red moonlight, they switched bodies, and couldn't switch back until they… until they… Hmm, I don't remember that bit. I just remember the story because Shanks said that the moon looked like it was made of meat!" Luffy laughed.

The rest of the crew just groaned.


	2. Please Teach Me

Do not own One Piece, never will.

Thank you to the people who have reviewed this story; they are my first reviews and they made me feel special!

This chapter has been replaced after a very helpful review from Lieju; thanks for the advice!

* * *

Chapter 2 – Please Teach Me

"Hey, swordsman!" Sanji shouted.

"What is it now?" Zolo moaned, following the sound of the shout. He simply couldn't fall asleep like usual, and without naps to fill in the day, he was getting bored. He could even understand what Luffy was always going on about…

"Don't you have any clothes that are even a little stylish?" Sanji asked.

Zolo snapped out of his funk and hurried down to the men's quarters, where he found Sanji surrounded by his strewn belongings.

"Oi, you bastard!" Zolo yelled. "What are you doing in my stuff?"

Sanji sneered at him, and pinched at Zolo's shirt he was wearing. "I was looking for some decent clothes. These are dreadful, and besides, they smell. If you keep wearing these, you wouldn't need to train to defeat Mihawk. You could just get near him and he'd pass out from the stench!"

A vein began to throb above Zolo's eye, and he started to growl deep in his throat. "If you're so fond of smelling like a pansy, you'll get out of your bath one day to find that we've sailed straight through the All Blue and you missed it 'cause you were too busy worrying about smelling like a girl!"

"How would you know what a girl smells like, you gay bastard?" Sanji replied angrily, and launched himself at Zolo.

"For the last frigging time, I am NOT GAY!" Zolo yelled, and charged in to meet Sanji's attack.

* * *

A short time later, both of them were panting in opposite corners of the room, having tired themselves out. The strength of Sanji's legs made up for Zolo's inexpertise and lack of blades, and Zolo's top-heavy body blunted the power of Sanji's attacks.

"This is useless!" Sanji cried, slumping on the couch. "I'll never get the hang of this crap body of yours!" He stifled a yawn. "At least I can figure out why you sleep all the time now; your body can't last five minutes without needing a nap!"

"Yeah, well at least you can figure out what mine wants!" Zolo snapped, feeling irritable. "With yours, all I get is this bloody _need_…"

"What do you mean?" asked Sanji, interested despite himself.

"I don't know!" screamed Zolo in frustration. "I feel like crap, I have no energy, and I'm a bloody nervous wreck!"

"You should have a smoke," Sanji said without thinking. "It always calms me down…" He stopped, and stared at Zolo. "That's it! You're having withdrawal symptoms!"

"What?" Zolo asked, confused.

"From not smoking! I guess I should have thought to warn you. I'm always craving cigarettes, so much so that it's a physical need. Looks like you've got it now," Sanji said with a shrug.

Zolo looked panicked. "I-I can't smoke!"

"Why not?" Sanji asked, leaning back. "It's my body, not yours. It's not like the smoke will affect you at all…"

"That's not what I meant!" Zolo hissed.

Sanji arched an eyebrow at him. "Oh?"

Zolo looked down at his feet, still clad in Sanji's shoes. "I don't…" he began, and trailed off into a mumble.

"What?" Sanji asked, sitting up.

"I don't… know how, OK?" Zolo spat, his face red in a mixture of anger and embarrassment. "What do I need to do?"

* * *

"So, you just light it, and suck smoke through the unlit bit?" Zolo asked. It wasn't like he was interested, oh no. Anything that shit cook did was automatically pathetic. But the smoke smelled so good…

"Pretty much," Sanji replied dryly, noting how Zolo's eye was fixed on the lit cigarette he held. "Like this."

He took a long drag, then passed it over to Zolo. "Try it."

Zolo looked at it in trepidation, then put it to his lips and took a quick suck. He immediately began to cough and choke.

"Slowly, little eggplant," Sanji said drowsily, leaning back against the wall. They had moved outside for Zolo's first smoking experiment, and the sun on his face was making Sanji sleepy. "Try again."

Zolo took a slower breath, and relaxed as the smoke curled into his lungs. He opened his eyes, and looked down at the nearly asleep cook. "What's with the eggplant stuff?" he asked curiously.

Sanji's eyes opened, and he stared at the sky in shock. "Did I really call you little eggplant?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah. Why?"

Sanji sat up. "It's what Zeff used to call me, back when I was a kid. I suppose it slipped out now because this is just like when I learned how to smoke. Sorry."

Zolo let out a grunt of surprise, and Sanji turned to him. "What?"

"You… never apologise," Zolo grunted.

"Did I? Well, I didn't mean it," he said with a sneer, but there was no bite to it. He lay down again and closed his eyes, leaving Zolo wondering just what was going on in the cook's mind.

* * *

Zolo swore, and lowered his weights. He had barely been training for an hour, and this body was _exhausted_. "How can that shitty cook bear to be so weak?" he muttered to himself.

"What I don't understand is how you manage with such shitty balance!" retorted Sanji, who was passing by on his way to deliver another snack to his precious Nami. "Your body is so off-balance, it's amazing I can make it the length of the deck without falling over!"

Instead of firing his own comeback, Zolo frowned. "You know, I was actually serious," he said quietly.

Sanji's mouth dropped. "What do you mean?"

"Your body gets tired so easily. I can normally lift weights practically all day, but after only an hour, your body's had it. How do you manage to fight so well if you have no stamina?"

Sanji blinked. _Did he just compliment me?_ he wondered.

"By the way," Zolo added, suddenly scowling, "what do you mean I have no balance?"

Sanji mentally shook himself. "I'm used to having really good balance, mostly due to my fighting style," he explained. "You have a different build to me, so I'm having to readjust my balance all the time to compensate. But you don't seem to have any innate sense of balance; it's probably why you get lost so easily."

He turned to continue on to Nami's quarters. "Oh, and my strength is in my legs, not my arms. I only ever use my arms as an occasional support, so why would I need a lot of strength in them?"

As Sanji walked away, Zolo struggled within himself, then came to a decision. "Hey, chef!" he called.

Sanji looked over his shoulder at him, silently waiting.

"Would you show me some exercises… for the legs?" Zolo asked, furious with himself for giving in to the urge to ask the cook for help.

Sanji paused for a moment, then smirked. "I'll be back in a minute," he said over his shoulder, holding aloft the tray with Nami's snack on it as explanation. "And maybe you can teach me how to wield those overgrown knives of yours; at least enough to defend myself until we're back to normal." His voice dropped on the last bit, and he sauntered off without a backward glance.

_So, it looks like I'm not the only one who's worried…_ Zolo thought, watching him.

* * *

"You're not doing too badly," Zolo said grudgingly, with a slight hint of approval in his voice.

Sanji completed the pattern Zolo had set him and grinned at the swordsman. "This is actually kind of… I mean, yeah, whatever," he replied, dampening the enthusiasm in his voice in the second part.

Zolo sighed. "Oh well. At least you're not likely to slice my feet off if you have to fight."

Sanji expression darkened. "Like you'd notice. You've got so many scars; you wouldn't notice a few more."

Zolo barked a laugh. "It's not like you don't have any, shit cook."

"Yeah, but I'm not proud of mine," Sanji spat, and deliberately dropping Zolo's swords on the deck, strode off to the kitchen.

"Oi! Don't treat my swords like that!" Zolo shouted, and after picking up his precious blades, hurried after the chef to give him a piece of his mind.

When he got to the kitchen, he found Sanji holding a cookbook at arm's length and squinting at it. "What the hell are you doing?" Zolo asked, his curiosity at Sanji's actions overcoming his anger.

"Trying to read this recipe," Sanji replied, his brows knotting in concentration. "Is there something up with your eyes?"

"Well, they're not too good at stuff that's close up," Zolo muttered, shuffling his feet. "But you're one to talk! I wanted to know what was behind this bloody hair of yours because I can't seem to see out of that eye, but Luffy managed to break the only mirror on the ship apart from Nami's, and there's no way that I'm going to ask to use hers!"

Sanji stiffened, then sighed. "Fine. Just… don't freak out," he muttered, and dug in his pocket. He thrust something across the table at Zolo, and he was surprised to realise it was a small mirror.

"Worried about your hair, huh, pretty boy?" he said with a sneer, and pulled Sanji's hair out of the way so he could see.

"Now you know why I keep it covered," Sanji said, watching Zolo's shocked face in resignation.

"What… what happened, Sanji?" Zolo whispered, gazing in shock at the pearly white orb that stared sightlessly back at him.

"When I was little, my vision became blurry and began fading in that eye. By the time I was about nine, it was completely clouded over, and I couldn't see a thing with it," Sanji explained, laying his head on the table, too numb to notice that Zolo had actually used his name for once.

"Shit!" Zolo whispered in horror.

"It could be worse. My father lost his sight in both eyes," he answered with a shrug.

Zolo stared at the chef, his pity clear in his good eye. _Poor Sanji…_

Sanji looked up and saw him. "Save your pity, you bastard!" he snapped, back to his normal self. "And keep that damn thing covered!"

* * *

Ideas are appreciated, as are reviews!


	3. The Scuffle

Apologies for the length of this chapter; it just turned out that way.

If I owned One Piece, it wouldn't be half as good as it is.

* * *

Chapter 3 – The Scuffle

"And why can't you go into town with him and get this stuff?" Zolo asked, waving the list Nami had given him.

"Because I'm busy!" Nami snapped, snatching the list off him and passing it to Sanji instead. She'd been working on automatic and had given the shopping list to Sanji, who usually did the shopping in port. "And there's no way I'm letting those two go into town," she added, pointing at Luffy and Usopp, who were singing and dancing together.

"Of course, my Nami!" Sanji said, his eyes turning into hearts. It was still so strange watching _Zolo_ with heart-eyes, even after several days of it. "We'll get it all for you! Come on," he added curtly to Zolo, and headed for the ladder.

* * *

"Do we really need this much stuff?" Zolo asked. His arms were getting tired carrying all the shopping, but Sanji was using the excuse of choosing fresh vegetables to avoid carrying any of it.

Sanji snorted in amusement. "You've seen Luffy eat; what do you think?" he replied.

He turned back to the vegetables, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "Did you say 'Luffy'?" a deep voice asked. "As in Straw-hat Luffy, wanted dead or alive?"

Sanji turned to face the speaker, who recoiled in shock. "It's Zolo, the ex-pirate hunter!" the man shouted, drawing his sword.

"And the other is Sanji, one of the fighting Baratie chefs!" called another voice from the slowly gathering crowd.

"Ah, a fan!" Sanji said in delight, and looked around for the source of the voice.

Zolo hit Sanji round the back of the head and glared at him. "Don't you dare lose, shit-cook. If you do, my reputation is ruined."

"Make you a deal. I won't lose this fight if you don't lose my groceries," Sanji sighed as he drew Zolo's swords. For the sake of disguise, they had continued wearing each other's clothes and Sanji had continued to carry Zolo's blades, though his clothes had gotten a wash. It had been hoped that anyone looking to trouble them would be scared off by their appearances, but it seemed that their reputations had caught up with them.

"Can I at least put them down?" Zolo growled, keeping an eye on the crowd. Others among them were coming forward with weapons, all intent on the two pirates.

"As long as you don't damage them!" Sanji warned, and charged in to attack.

Zolo put the bags against a wall and turned to face his adversaries; two men with bared blades. "We are Michio and Tamasine, right and left-hand men of Seiji, bounty hunter extraordinaire!" they claimed, striking a dramatic pose.

"Like I care who you are," Zolo snorted, and lashed out at them lightning-fast with a kick. They went down in a heap, and Zolo was impressed despite himself. There really was some power behind these legs…

* * *

Sanji was having a slightly harder time of it. Seiji hadn't stopped for ridiculous introductions, but had gone straight to hammering away at him, forcing Sanji to parry desperately. _There has to be a way out of this,_ he thought grimly as he blocked. _I promised the shit-head that I wouldn't lose…_

Suddenly, Sanji realised that every time Seiji attacked, he left himself wide open to a counter-attack from… over here…

Seiji screamed as Sanji slid away and attacked from another angle, slicing deep into his side. He dropped to the ground, and Sanji smiled triumphantly before sheathing the swords.

"Hey, you bastard. You don't put blades away when they're covered in blood!" Zolo said angrily, turning from the other men he had felled and snatching the swords away from Sanji. "You'll ruin them!" He began examining his blades for damage as Sanji sputtered in fury. Without thinking, he kicked Zolo into a wall.

From there, it was all downhill as Zolo got up and attacked with his swords and Sanji met him in a whirlwind of fury at Zolo's complete lack of gratitude.

* * *

Further up the hill above the market, Sergeant-Major Tashigi of the Marines sipped her cocktail and sighed. While it was nice to have a day off in port once in a while, she felt lost without her work. Which is why, when she heard the sound of battle and a scream, she took off down the hill without a second thought, her hand on the hilt of her sword and her straw still bobbing about in her drink.

* * *

"…Sanji, one of the fighting Baratie chefs!" Carmen heard drifting on the wind.

With a satisfied cry, the elegant cook snapped her fan shut and hurried towards the voice, so eager to meet her rival and challenge him again that she left her two assistants well behind.


	4. With Friends Like These

Sorry, lots of point-of-view changes. I've been reading George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire recently, and I think the habit of half a dozen viewpoints rubbed off on me.

Insert usual disclaimer

* * *

Chapter 4 – With Friends Like These…

Tashigi let out a growl of frustration. She _knew _that she had heard the clash of swords only a few minutes earlier, but it seemed like the fight was over already.

"Shit for brains!"

_Wait a minute_, she thought, realisation dawning. _That sounded like Zolo…_

She hurried towards the sound.

* * *

"I'll never find him!" Carmen shouted, pausing for a dramatic pose, then scowling when she realised no one was paying any attention. She sighed. "Alas, it seems that our bitter rivalry is fated not to resume this day…" she murmured softly, sadness tinging her tone.

"Lovesick bastard!"

"Or," she said brightly, following the sound, "perhaps it will!"

* * *

Sanji and Zolo were both panting and using walls as supports, their fight having exhausted them, but it didn't mean they couldn't still throw insults at each other.

"Perverted cook!"

"Shitty sword-licker!"

"Eyebrow!"

"Ha, _you're_ the one with that, Marimo!"

"Yeah? Well you're the one with green hair!"

And this was how Tashigi and Carmen came across them moments later.

* * *

"I'm here to challenge you, Roronoa… _Zolo?_" Tashigi asked, not sure she'd got the right guy. He _looked_ like Zolo, and he was with a man she vaguely recognised as being another member of Straw-hat's crew, but though he had obviously been fighting, he had no swords.

She got a shock when he turned away from the other man and approached her, and an even bigger one when he knelt in front of her, clasped her hands and said, "Hello, gorgeous!" as his eyes became hearts.

* * *

"We meet again, Sanji!" Carmen cried, presenting her hand to him with a flourish. But instead of kissing it and showering her with praise as he had in Rogue Town, he _ignored_ her. Instead, he was glaring murderously after his crewmate, who was making a fuss over some other woman.

Carmen's eyes narrowed, and she brought out her ever-present frying pan and swung it at the back of his head. "Pay attention to me, you worthless toadstool!" she hissed at him as he lay on the ground, knocked senseless.

* * *

"Enough!" Tashigi yelled, snatching her hands away. "I demand a rematch! I will defeat you this time!"

Sanji sighed, and stood up. "Why are you so desperate to fight Z… um, me?" he asked, remembering at the last moment.

"I told you the last time we met. I will not let two of the greatest blades in the world stay in the possession of a pirate!" Tashigi said between gritted teeth, fuming. She knew that Zolo had a reputation for being a little thick, but this?

"Two of the greatest blades in the world? These?" Sanji asked, raising an eyebrow. He glanced down at the swords at his belt, frowning. Is that why Zolo treasured them so much? No, that didn't sound right. He had a feeling that the swordsman's devotion to them went much deeper…

* * *

Zolo opened his eyes, and groaned as the back of his head began to throb. "What the hell happened?" he grumbled, sitting up and putting a hand up to touch his head. When his hand met long hair instead of his usual fuzz, his eyes snapped open. Of course! He was in Sanji's body, and… there had been some woman, talking to him, and a frying pan…

"At last! He has awakened!" a loud voice proclaimed.

Wincing, Zolo looked up to see the woman from before, standing in front of him in some ridiculous pose. "And who are you?" he growled.

Carmen pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and let out a melodramatic wail. "Alas, that he does not remember! You said you loved me," she finished with a pout, a gleam in her eye showing that it was all part of her act.

"S… I say that to a lot of girls," Zolo muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "Doesn't mean you can hit me with a bloody frying pan!"

"That," she sniffed, "was for your inattention earlier, and for the defeat you served up to me in Rogue Town, last time we met. That is why you are here; for a rematch!"

For the first time, Zolo took note of his surroundings, and found that they were in a large industrial kitchen with cooking implements and herbs hanging everywhere. _Sanji would kill me if I lost, _Zolo thought. _But if that shit cook can manage it, how hard can it be?

* * *

_

"Shit!" Sanji swore, glancing about. Zolo had vanished, leaving him alone with the Marine. "Where'd he go?"

"Pay attention to me, Roronoa Zolo," Tashigi called, unsheathing her own sword. "_I_ am your opponent, not your crew-mate!"

Sanji looked her up and down. She couldn't be that hard to defeat. After all, he had taken down that bounty hunter with no trouble. The only problem was that she was a woman. _I guess I'll just have to win without hurting her, _he thought.

"I accept your challenge," Sanji replied, drawing Zolo's blades and putting the white-handled one between his teeth, grimacing at the taste. His teeth almost immediately began to ache with the weight, and he vaguely wondered how Zolo managed to speak with it in his mouth.

Luckily, there was no need for conversation, because Tashigi was already on the attack. Sanji was rapidly driven backwards, and caught completely off-guard when her blade sliced across his ribs. He gasped in shock, and lunged at her. She dodged his clumsy attack easily, and darted forward to take the offensive again.

* * *

Carmen watched as Sanji hissed and shook his hand. He'd obviously burned his fingers _yet again_. There was none of the calm flair he'd displayed during their last contest, and the smell coming from the furiously bubbling pot on the stove was _ghastly_. What was going on?

* * *

_ Why isn't he fighting me seriously?_ Tashigi thought angrily. The Zolo she'd fought in Rogue Town had defeated her with ease, with an almost inhuman strength and speed. Here, though, his attacks were weaker and much clumsier, lacking the liquid grace she'd admired and envied. It was as if he'd never fought with a blade before…

* * *

Zolo swore. Sanji made this stuff look so easy! He looked into the pot on the stove. Was _anything_ supposed to be this colour? Turning the stove off, he grabbed a cloth and carried the pot to the bowl of rice he'd made earlier. After all, if it went on the bottom of the dish, it had to be cooked first, right? He poured a bit of his concoction onto it, and told Carmen it was done.

* * *

As his back thudded into a stone wall, Sanji knew that he was beaten. Zolo's swords were lost somewhere in the shadowed alley ahead of him, but there was no way to get them when Tashigi had her blade at his throat.

"You lose, Zolo," she said softly.

Bleeding from several minor wounds, Sanji watched her, his mind awhirl. _I lost,_ he thought miserably.

"And now, I'll claim my prize," she added, and strode back into the alley. There was a clink of metal, and she re-emerged carrying Zolo's swords.

"You can't!" Sanji blurted without thinking, and launched himself at her.

She dodged him with contemptuous ease, and Sanji found himself sprawled on the stones of the alley. "You lost," she said coldly. "And I told you I wouldn't let these swords remain in the possession of a pirate."

Helpless, Sanji watched her walk off and disappear into the crowd. "Oh, he's _really_ gonna kill me now…" he muttered.

* * *

Carmen watched the head waiter's eyes close in pleasure as he tasted her delicately sautéed rockling with a coriander and chilli-based sauce. "Now taste Sanji's," she ordered.

The waiter gulped, and eyed the second dish. Unlike Carmen's, this dish was not presented beautifully, but it was not the presentation that caused the waiter's trepidation. It was the _smell_, and the strange green colour that put him in mind of the scum that clung to the supports of the docks down in the bay. Trembling, he reached out with a spoon and cautiously put some in his mouth.

* * *

Zolo twitched as the man took off, a hand clapped over his mouth and his face decidedly green. Soon, sounds of retching floated through the door he had disappeared through.

"It can't have been that bad!" Zolo roared.

"It certainly smells it," Carmen said, holding her nose pointedly. The other waiters watching giggled, and Carmen bowed to them. "I trust there is no contest in deciding the winner?" she said sweetly.

"Of course not!" one of the other waiters declared. "The winner is Carmen!"

Carmen laughed, her fingers spread over her mouth as she threw a mocking glance at Zolo. "And just wait until the newspaper office opens!" she exclaimed. "It will be the front page: Fire-Alarm Carmen is the Greatest Chef in the World! Oh, don't worry, pet," she added, looking down her nose at Zolo, "you'll get a mention. But only to say that I, the _dazzling _Carmen, defeated you and took your title!"

Zolo watched her sweep towards the exit, dumbfounded. The shit cook was really that good? Then the full impact of what she had been saying sunk in, and he swore. "He's not going to like this…" he muttered.

* * *

OK, I know nothing about cooking. Could you tell? And I couldn't quite remember if there was a title attached to the Rogue Town competition, but it works for this.


	5. Putting Things Right

Thank you to all the people who have reviewed this story; reviews are a true inspiration, and an injunction to get one's tail in gear and actually write! Particular thanks go to Lieju (whose reviews are always thought-provoking), NefertariNami with a review per chapter, and KoloheSanji, lilbishihunter and mihawklover with multiple reviews. You guys are the best!

A quick thank you to my little brother too, who checks my stuff and gives me the confidence to keep writing!

Yeah, disclaimer thing too, if you like.

* * *

Chapter 5 – Putting Things Right

Sanji wandered the streets, still slightly dazed. It had been several hours since he had lost to Tashigi, but his mind kept replaying the match over and over again. Yet another replay was interrupted by a woman walking by, who gasped and stepped back as he passed. Glancing down at himself, Sanji was surprised to see that the shirt he was wearing was soaked through in several places with dried blood. So that was why Zolo never complained about being wounded; he never even felt it.

The thought of Zolo threw Sanji into a spasm of guilt, and he began to think of a way to get the swords back. He knew now that he couldn't win against Tashigi, especially not without hurting her, and she wasn't likely to listen if he begged…

Then another thought struck him. It wasn't honourable, and a gentleman like himself should never even consider such a dreadful thing, but if that was the way it had to be…

* * *

Zolo sat on the bench outside the newspaper office, furiously puffing away on a cigarette to ease the insistent craving. "It's just like that shitty cook to piss off a woman so much that she chases him right into the Grand Line!" he fumed, conveniently ignoring the true reason he was there. As much as he and Sanji fought, there was still some respect in there. Somewhere. And Sanji had made an effort to protect his reputation against that bounty-hunter earlier; Zolo couldn't just turn around and destroy his.

He stared up at the sky. It was fully dark, and though he was hungry, the thought of food at the moment was… unappealing. Besides, it wasn't that many hours til dawn. He could just nap until then…

* * *

The sky was beginning to lighten in the east before Sanji found the right window. He had been prowling the rooftops all night, looking for the right window, though he blamed his lack of success up til now on that shitty swordsman's lousy sense of direction.

Now, he gently lifted the window, thanking whoever was watching over him that it was unlocked, and slipped through. Standing perfectly still as his eyes adjusted to the dimmer light, Sanji breathed a gentle sigh of relief, quashed his guilt, and tiptoed across the bedroom floor to the three swords propped up in a corner. His hands had barely closed on their sheaths when steel pricked his throat.

* * *

Zolo jerked awake from a dream of the cook kicking him to death to find that dawn was breaking, and true to her word, Carmen was waltzing up the street towards him, her triumphant cackle ringing off the cobbled street.

Standing slowly, he waited for her to come closer, dreading the meeting. _What can I say to stop her?_ he wondered on a rising tide of sternly suppressed panic. _She'd never believe the truth…_

"Good morning, Sanji," Carmen purred, coming to a stop in front of him. "Did you enjoy your dreams last night? I certainly did!" She laughed. "I dreamed of the newspaper this morning, and the headline announcing my success!"

An idea suddenly struck Zolo. "Well, I dreamed of Sanji."

* * *

"Drop them," she said softly.

Obediently, Sanji dropped his hands away from the swords as his mind raced, trying to find a way out of this. "Ah, good morning, Tashigi," he said awkwardly, turning to face her.

"What are you doing here, thief?" she demanded, never letting the sword she held at his throat waver.

He sighed. "I had hoped to retrieve his swords before I met up with him again," he answered tiredly.

Tashigi's eyes narrowed behind her glasses, and too late, Sanji realised he had made a mistake.

"What do you mean, 'his swords'?" she growled, increasing the pressure on her sword until Sanji felt a thin trickle of blood snake its way down his neck.

He sighed again. This was not going to be his day. "Do you really want to know the truth?" he asked.

* * *

"What do you mean, you 'dreamed of Sanji'?" Carmen asked, half-amused, half-confused.

"I dreamed of fighting that shit cook," Zolo said bluntly, neglecting to add that Sanji had been kicking his arse. Literally.

"How can you dream of fighting yourself?" Carmen asked, eyeing him and beginning to wonder if he was feeling all right.

Zolo sighed. "Because I'm not actually Sanji. There was… an accident, and we ended up in each other's bodies."

Carmen stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing. "Do you really expect me to believe that?" she eventually wheezed, holding her sides.

"I don't care if you believe me or not," Zolo spat. "Just don't… don't humiliate Sanji like you're planning to."

"If you're not Sanji, then who are you?" Carmen asked. _If he's not really Sanji, it would explain a lot…_ she thought, tapping a finger against her lips.

"I'm Zolo, one of his crew-mates."

"And why, 'Zolo', shouldn't I claim Sanji's title, even if it was you I beat? The waiters from last night are willing to bear witness to my victory," Carmen said smugly.

"Because…" Zolo began, then stopped. "Because," he continued hesitantly, "even though we fight, we're nakama, and I'll always protect him."

* * *

"'Not Zolo'?" Tashigi asked incredulously.

"No. I'm Sanji," he explained, going to one knee and taking her hand. "Would Zolo ever tell you you're beautiful?"

In the dawn light, Sanji could see Tashigi blush. "Um, l-let go of me!" she stammered, and pushed him away. Sanji stood hurriedly and took a few quick steps backwards, and stumbled over Zolo's swords, still lying on the floor, to land with a thump on Tashigi's bed.

"Suppose I'm willing to believe you're not Zolo," she said warily, still watching him closely. _It would explain his lack of skill yesterday, and his strange behaviour when we met and this morning._ "Why would you risk sneaking in here to recover his swords?"

Sanji paused, and sighed. "Because even though he pisses me off, we're nakama, and I'll never let him down."

* * *

Suddenly, Sanji became incredibly dizzy. "Ooh," he moaned, staggering to his feet and putting hand to his head.

Instantly, Tashigi's wariness transformed into concern. "Are you all right?" she asked.

Sanji opened his mouth to answer her, but before he could reply, Tashigi's face blurred and the world became a swirling mass of colour as Sanji's eyes rolled up into his head and he collapsed.

* * *

"Are you all right? Please answer!" said a close-to-frantic female voice.

"I… I think I'm OK, Tashigi," Sanji mumbled, trying to find the will to open his eyes.

"Tashigi?" the woman asked, sounding offended. "Who's she?"

Puzzled, Sanji opened his eyes, and found himself looking into the slightly annoyed face of a flamboyant redhead. "Hello, gorgeous!" he cried, going into love-sick mode.

A frypan in the face soon put an end to that, and began to awaken memories in Sanji's mind. "It's… Carmel, isn't it?" he said hesitantly, not sure.

"That's Carmen," she said with a sniff, and allowed him to sit up. "I'm guessing that you're not the man I was just speaking with."

Sanji's mouth dropped. How could he have missed it? He could only see from one eye, he wanted a cigarette _really_ badly, and looking down, he realised he was clad in his usual black suit. "I'm _me_!" he yelled in joy, and flipped himself to his feet, rejoicing in the return of his balance and flexibility. "I'm back in my own body again!"

* * *

"Kuina?" Zolo asked, looking at the familiar face above him. "Am I dead?"

"Who is Kuina? Are you all right, Sanji?" she asked, worry clear in her eyes.

"What? Sanji?" Suddenly Zolo was wide awake. The fact that the girl above him was wearing glasses sunk in, and he realised that she was Tashigi. Instinctively he tried to roll away, and fell off a bed onto the floor.

"Don't move, Sanji," she said, standing and coming after him. "I'll go get the doctor…"

"No, Tashigi, don't, it's OK," he said in wonder, examining his hands and arms. "I think I'm back to normal." Putting a hand up to his head and finding short hair, the familiar clink as he touched his earrings, and discovering he could use both eyes again… "I am! I've got my body back!"

* * *

"I never thought I'd be glad to see _your_ face!" Sanji snorted as Zolo came out of the door of the hotel Tashigi had been staying at, swords sitting at his hip.

"I'm just happy I'm not looking at yours in a mirror anymore!" Zolo retorted, scowling. They turned and fell in step as they began walking back down the street towards the harbour and their crewmates.

"So," Sanji began, "do I want to know why a man in a waiter's uniform came up to Carmen before I left and started to congratulate her on her newly-acquired title? And why he flinched and went green when he saw me?"

"Depends," Zolo growled. "Do I want to know why I'm covered in fresh wounds and why I woke up in Tashigi's bedroom?"

Sanji was silent for a moment. "Probably not," he concluded.

"That's what I thought."

There was silence for a while, then Sanji spoke. "Carmen asked about us switching, and when I told her about it, it turns out that she'd heard the same story Luffy had," he said casually. "But she's not an idiot, so she remembered it. The story was about two men who were supposed to be friends, but were always fighting. Then one day, they were struck by the red light of the 'Walk-A-Mile Moon', which switched them to let them experience life as each other. Walk a mile in the other's shoes. They only managed to switch back when they began fighting _for_ each other instead of against."

He eyed Zolo sideways. "Does that sound about right?"

Zolo grunted. "Don't know what you're talking about, shit cook."

There was a pause. "Thanks."

An even longer pause. "You too."

"I vote we don't tell the others about anything that happened," Sanji said, changing the topic.

"Fine," Zolo agreed just a little too quickly.

"But before we get back…" And Sanji turned on Zolo, eye blazing. "What the fuck made you take Carmen on in a cooking contest?" he yelled.

Zolo met him glare for glare. "Same thing that made you fight Tashigi!" he shouted back.

They stood there for a moment, glaring at each other, until they suddenly snapped and went for each other in the middle of the street.

* * *

Watching from her window, Tashigi smiled as the fight started, but quickly wiped the expression away. It was a pity she couldn't have arrested Zolo, but there was no way to hold him until back-up arrived; it was too far off. He'd just escape her again, and she didn't care to be made a fool of twice by the same man. And his blades… well, it wouldn't be right to take them if she hadn't _earned_ them. One day, though, she'd beat him and take them fairly… and him too.

* * *

Carmen didn't bother to hide her amusement as she watched them clash. He and his swordsman friend were well matched when it came to fighting, but when it came to cooking… She chuckled, remembering the waiter's face just before he'd dashed for the bathroom. Sanji was obviously superior in that regard, and perhaps in others as well…

To distract her mind from the path it was taking, and to add to her entertainment, she cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, as if commenting to another, "Oh, doesn't the moon look lovely when's it red?"

"Red?!" the pirates exclaimed, and leapt apart from each other, trying to pretend they hadn't been fighting. Carmen cackled wildly with laughter, and only laughed harder when they turned in her direction to glare at her.

"You'd better behave yourselves, boys," she warned, wagging a finger at them. "You never know when the moonlight will strike…" And with that, she was off, back to her search for the perfect recipe to defeat Sanji with.

* * *

They watched her go, silent. After a long uncomfortable pause, Zolo shifted and said reluctantly, "I guess we'd better get back to the ship."

"Yeah," Sanji replied, still watching the way Carmen's hips swayed.

Zolo sighed, and stalked off down the street, leaving the cook to catch up in his own time. Soon enough, the blond was walking next to him again, and elbowed him when he went to turn right.

"The ship's that way," he said smugly, hiking a thumb to their left. Zolo seethed, but followed his direction.

* * *

When they got back to the ship, Nami was waiting for them, furious.

"Where have you two been all night?" she screeched.

"I'm sorry, my darling Nami!" Sanji practically wailed, his hands clasped in front of his heart.

"About. What's your problem?" Zolo muttered, already yawning and thinking longingly of a nap.

"Well, at least you two are back to normal. My _problem_ is those two," she snapped, gesturing towards Luffy, sitting on the deck, and Usopp, sitting on the railing above.

Before she could say anymore, Usopp swung himself down and came bounding over to them. "Hey guys!" he chimed. "Did you bring back any meat?"

Sanji and Zolo exchanged glances, and looked at Nami, who sighed. "They were fighting over the last bit of meat from dinner when this red moon comes out from behind a cloud and the next thing I know…"

"And let me tell you about this gigantic fire-breathing bird I once fought!" 'Luffy' bragged, while 'Usopp' sat at his feet and 'oohed'. "I just punched it like this, and… whoa!"

His arm shot straight up into the sky, sending him stumbling backwards over the deck to fall over the railing. Luffy jumped to his feet and ran after him, but only succeeded in tripping and following him over the rail. "Cool, I can swim!" he cried, before sinking beneath the waves.

"We'd better get them," Sanji sighed, and he and Zolo leapt after them.

"I'm not sure I can handle this again…" Nami said, shaking her head.

* * *

I was never much good at endings. Or serious moments, for that matter. Bye!


End file.
